"I know, O Lord, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his." -Jer. 10:23 NIV
I am a control freak! This I know! Upon reading a chapter out of my book I realized just how big of one I really am. This is not good. Not for me. Not for my husband. Not for my children. Not for anyone. I have always been one according to this book. I can see that.
God has not designed me to be this way. I have created this myself and who am I to direct my own life? I am God's precious daughter who needs His guidance.
"I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go." - Isa. 48:17
Amazing! He even tells me he knows what is best for me! He created me in his image and sometimes the choices that we make alter that into something that He didn't want for us. He tells us to follow his ways and his teachings so that we remain the way the designed us. We can't live this life on our own. We aren't meant to. We need God to show us the way.
Also, being a control freak is not good for my husband nor our marriage. I know that now even though I am sure I have always known it in the back of my head. Being control is not good for his manhood. It's degrading to him and I am a reflection of who he is. What does it look like to his fellow Marines? What does it look like to the outside world? How about to our own children? Feels like a bomb has been placed in my lap and I have to defuse it before it explodes which is exactly what is going to happen if I don't stop my controling attitude. Let my husband be in charge! He's the head, let him lead!
Advice to self: Take a step back. Let someone else be in charge. It will do you wonders!!
Keep writing girl... This is good stuff... God wants to be in charge.. but He will move over every time you take the wheel from His hands... He wants to give you room to grow and trust Him. I went through this for so many years and made every mistake a long the way.
ReplyDeleteLove you!!:)